An Offer

Happily, I got an offer from Andrew Paul of Pittsburgh Irish & Classical Theatre, to do "Casimir" in Brian Friel's Aristocrats. Sadly, apparently the director of She Stoops to Conquer wasn't as impressed with me as Andrew was, 'cuz I didn't get an offer to do that play. Alas, I'll have to forge on.

By the way, did I even bother to tell you that I got the offer from Pittsburgh Musical Theater to do You're a Good Man, Charlie Brown? Now that I think about it, I'm not entirely sure I bothered to note it in my journal. Of course, if you look at the Now Playing page regularly, you'd have seen that I updated it there.

So it looks like, between You're a Good Man, Charlie Brown and Aristocrats, my health insurance will be taken care of for another year. Thank god!

Now all I need to do is find some sort of work to keep me from starving 'til I have to go back to Pittsburgh!

Which reminds me, I definitely have to get on the stick and get down to the Equity offices and catch up in my back dues. My mail hasn't been terribly effective at following me, so I didn't get the last dues billing... consequently I'm not legal and can't attend any upcoming auditions unless I get that taken care of!

Whew

Whew. I just finished watching Black Hawk Down, Bridget Jones' Diary, and In the Bedroom all in one sitting. I have a friend who works for a member of the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences, and academy members get VHS copies of the movies that studios want to be considered for an Oscar®. Hence, I got to borrow the tapes and see all three movies.

What an exhausting evening! Black Hawk Down was really intense, and In the Bedroom may have been the most draining experience of watching a film that I've had in quite some time. Really amazing, both in their own way. I didn't enjoy Bridget Jones quite so much - not that it wasn't a good movie, but more likely because I'm just not in a chick-flick sorta mood.

   I didn't realize it until I overslept a couple of mornings (it's easy to do when you don't have a damn temp job and you don't have anywhere to be!) that my bedroom is a total cave. It's so dark in there, that you can sleep, like, forever. Toni Schlemmer was teasing me not long ago about being depressed and huddled under my bed, and while I feel as though I've been skirting depression, I don't think that I've been in the thick of it just yet. But if you take away the actual depression part, I have found myself curled up in a ball in a bed in a really dark room at 10 a.m., which is a little unsettling to me. Just something to think about.

   I can't say exactly why, but I've been thinking for some reason of The Greater Pittsburgh Renaissance Festival lately... and particularly about the African Dance Ensemble that would occasionally perform there. I wonder if they came back this past year, which was my first in four of not doing it.

I saw a guy on the street the other day who reminded me of one of the drummers for the Ensemble, which (me being me) got me to thinking about the guy I fancied who danced with them. I think his name was Ashante, though I'm not sure. It's not like I ever had the nerve to actually approach him.

And while I can see thinking about the festival 'cuz that guy had crossed my mind, I don't know why the Festival should keep coming back to mind. Very odd. I mean, I enjoyed the experience on the whole, but I didn't love it, so why should it keep popping into my head?

There's gotta be a reason, but I'll be damned if I can think of it.

Reconnecting

I'm visiting my old friend, Central Park - the place has resonance for me, I guess. It's where I come to escape the city when the city is beginning to get to me, or when I'm a little down. I can't tell you how therapeutic it is to just remove yourself from the sound of traffic, even if it's only by a couple hundred feet.

Today Jeff Bergman took me up to meet the folks at Access Talent, and it was an extremely interesting experience. I had sent them my demo CD in the hopes that they might be able to offer comments and suggestions, and Jeff thought it might be a good idea if he brought me along as a sort of introduction before I met with them.

I think Jeff would like to believe that they might have interest in representing me, but I think he has a lot more faith in me than is really warrented... I'd just be grateful for a frank critique of my voice demo, and to hear what they thought my chances are of getting work from it. Maybe it's just me being me, but I got no interest vibes from them at all. They were, to their infinite credit, amazingly friendly and polite, but I just got the impression that they had much better things to do than to waste their time on someone like me. And to be frank, I can't say that I'd entirely blame them. I'm by no means at their level in the business, they've got a roster of famous people. And while I think that I'm really good and all that, I enough of a realist to understand that I need to start booking work before a bigshot agency like Access would have any interest in me

So they didn't have a lot of time for me. I did get to shake hands with the guy Jeff wanted me to send my tape to, and I still hold out the hope that he'll have time to sit down and review my tape with me, but beyond that, I think I need to be setting my sites a little lower in the industry food chain.

I guess we'll see, huh?

So here I sit in Central Park - Upper East Side version. I'm near the model boathouse, right across the pond from the Lewis Carroll statuary. I wish I'd brough my camera, 'cuz this grouping is one of my favorites in the partk. Probably right after the dancing women in the fountain up at the Conservatory Garden, by the Harlem Mere.

I was supposed to call Amy (who's in town) once I finished with Access, but I got her voice-mail, and the answering machine at her apartment, so I decided to wander around the Upper East Side for a change. I haven't been up this way since this past summer, when Katherine and I wandered Madison Avenue looking for salons for her to apply at. I really do need to find out what ever happened to Katherine. I don't know if she's here in NYC or if she's still in Pittsburgh. Working at the Arden last October really messed up my plans to room with her here, and I hope that she found a place and got moved up alright. I need to see if I can find her.

Pink Eye

Sometimes I feel like those guys on Hee Hawwho sing, "If it weren't for bad luck, I'd have no luck at all."

I've got fucking viral conjunctivitis. In other words, I've got Pink Eye! And I learned, much to my chagrin, that there are several different types of conjunctivitis, and I've got the kind that you can't treat; you just have to let it run its course. Yea me!

The review for Father Figures appeared in today's paper, so hopefully that'll mean that tons of people will see the review and come out to see us before we close tomorrow. This really was a quick turn around time... I'm not entirely sure I've done a full production of a show in two weeks since my days at Little Lake. Although I guess we have to count the five days in December that we rehearsed, so it's more like three weeks. Chris Rawson, the reviewer stayed after the show on opening night to congratulate me and tell me what a pleasure it was to see me on stage again, and to see my growth as an actor. I was, to say the least, a little taken aback! I've worked with Chris' wife Mary (in The Colonel Bird) and he's been reviewing me kindly for years, but he's never before stepped out from behind the typical critic's facade of trying not to be too effusive, or to become too terribly close to his subjects - which I've always appreciated. I guess now that I've left Pittsburgh he doesn't feel that need; or maybe I should just be grateful that he feels strongly enough about my performance that he feels he needs to tell me in person. In either case, I appreciate the kind words. I've been wondering how audiences were going to react to my character. I'm not in the least a convincing drag queen, and I've been worried that people would think of her as a joke - which is the last thing I wanted to happen. She's a really sad person who says a lot of funny things, but I want the audience to sympathize with her, not laugh at her.

Last night's audience started out as a "let's laugh at the silly drag queen" audience, which kinda depressed me. 'Course, by the end of the play, they were with me totally, I think, so that's good.

My brother Ron came to see the show last night. I was a little taken aback by that, too, and doubly sorry that I couldn't hang out with him because we were having a photo call after the show. It was very informal, with a bunch of us snapping with our own cameras. I got close to twenty shots with mine, and though I was shooting in available light with no flash, many of them turned out really well.

I actually took a lot of pretty good shots, in my humble opinion! I didn't get as many of the first act as I think I'd have liked, since my camera filled up quickly... it only supposedly holds 12 shots at highest quality and resolution levels, but for some reason I managed to squeeze 20 out. And the photo shoot for the second act is going to be before the show tomorrow.

I've got a pretty full day planned out tomorrow. I've got to do some laundry tonight and get myself packed in the morning, then go off to do the show, after which I've got to find a chance to audition for Andrew Paul, the artistic director of Pittsburgh Irish & Classical Theater - he saw the show on opening night, and approached me about auditioning for She Stoops to Conquer and Brian Freil's Aristocrats. I'm guessing that the whole pulling-out-of-Seagull-to-do-Pavilion thing has been forgiven.

Here's an awful photograph of me in drag: This is the reason I'm dealing with the "lets's laugh at the funny drag queen" audiences. Look, I'll be the first to admit that I'm a funny looking woman, but I was hoping I might read more sympathetically sooner in the play. I know they're really feeling for me by the end, but I'm getting laughed at when I make my first entrance, so I'm a little disappointed.

Well, I'm off to go over to the theater, and see if I can't get in and stretch out on a sofa for a while. I need to put a cold towel on my eyes to try to bring down the swelling. Pink eye. Can you believe this shit?!?

Wow. I can't believe a week has gone by and here I am, getting ready to open this show. It's been a good experience in a number of ways, but I can't shake this nagging feeling that I shouldn't have left New York right now. Alas, what's a man to do? I promised I'd do it, so I'm doing it. It's just the kinda guy I am.

Well, that's not entirely true, since I've promised to do things before and pulled out of them - witness the whole Seagull/Pavilion thing in the middle of last year. I think what's more likely is that I really liked the idea of working with the folks at CMU, since they're so damn connected. One never knows whose path one's going to cross in doing these little projects. What my seem like a freebie now may end up being good for me in the long run.

There's another element of this that I've been considering. The fact that folks who teach at CMU pursued me to get me to work with them is extraordinarily flattering. Being a local actor from Pittsburgh, I've always lived in the shadow of the juggernaut that is the acting program at CMU. It was the ultimate "townie" situation. There were all those kids going to school who - just by virtue of having the school on their resume and the access to the school's vast and powerful alumni network that implies - had so much more of a chance at success than it seemed I had. At least to me. I struggled with that envy for years. And it didn't even help to learn later in life that the actors produced by that program are no different than the mass of actors in the world at large: Some are good and some aren't. So here I am all these years later, and a teacher at CMU has sought me out to be in production of his play. Much as I'd like to say that I'm a grown-up, I still have to admit there's a bit of a thrill in that.

A thrill for which I'm gonna pay when it comes time to pay the rent again, but a thrill nonetheless.

It's been a crazy day, today. I didn't sleep very well last night, and ran around doing errands all day. Walked the hill to Patti's house twice, and it nearly killed me! Don't ever let me tell you again that all this walking and biking and blading all around New York & Philadelphia got me into shape. I may have sweated off a little fat, but it definitely didn't get me into shape! I thought I was gonna die!

The good news is that I got a paycheck from The Laury Group and I got my travel reimbursement from The Arden, so I could put a little money into my credit union account, to get me through the remainder of my poverty-stricken stay in Pittsburgh.

One thing I've been doing is snapping pictures of the whole Father Figures experience when I can. They haven't always been great photos, since I'm working in a dark theater without a flash, but what the eff, right? Maybe I'll have a chance to post a few of them.

Here's a couple that I can post: Some that I took around the CMU campus while we were still rehearsing during the first week. I don't know why, but I really like that first one on the left. I took it the day after a big-ass snow storm, but before the sun could warm everything up enough to drop all the heavy snow off the branches of the trees. I think it's really pretty.

Next up is a sorta repeat of a shot I took in Washington Square Park in Philadelphia - but the original was taken in early April, I think, when the trees were in their early full bloom. I sat on a bench and aimed the camera directly up into the branches while the sun was shining directly down through them. In this shot, the sky is too cloudy to let the sun shine through, and rather than be thick with greenery, the branches are laden with snow. I guess the contrast appealed to me. As if I'm a good enough photographer to talk about this shit! Anyway, hope you enjoy the photos.

Well, once again I'm getting ready to board a plane for Pittsburgh. This is becoming a habit. One that I'm not entirely sure I'm in love with.

Actually, I love any opportunity to go back to Pittsburgh and see my friends, but this choppy schedule of being in New York and not is really cutting into my ability to make money. I can't commit to a temp job, so I don't have a steady income. And it's coming precariously close to the time for me to have settled on a new sublet for February. It's hard to do that when you have no money for deposits and rent. So I'm continuing to pray.

On a happier note, as I've mentioned, I have had some temp work, which is cool. Thankfully, the folks at the agency seem to like me, and hopefully by working for them for a couple of days, I've made a good enough impression that they'll want to keep me around and place me in a temp job. Once I'm back from Pittsburgh, I'll be able to commit to an open-ended temp gig, and it should be easier to save up some money. I actually kinda enjoyed working in the agency office for those few days. It was project work, so it was never really monotonous, which is so my enemy when I'm doing temp work. It also entailed being a quasi-personal assistant to Laury Jeambon, the agency's owner/founder/ president. I've worked as an administrative assistant before, of course, but never as a personal assistant type. Boy, was this interesting. Talk about eclectic stuff. One moment I was typing her memos, then the next I was making appointments for her husband, then the next I was trying to find her a dog walker. It was really fascinating to watch the life-workings of a person in power - or at least a person in power in her own world. And I can see why personal assistants jobs might be so desirable for those folks who do it in Hollywood, for instance.

Speaking of personal assistants in Hollywood (smooth segue-way, huh?), have I told you very much about my roommate, Maya? She's this totally cool young chick (well, young compared to me, that is) who's in the Directors Guild of America trainee program, and right now she's between films. So this friend of hers recommended her for this guy who suddenly needed a personal assistant, and it turned out to be Harvey Keitel. How cool is that?!? And I just realized as I'm sitting here in the airport that I never told her I'd worked with Harvey's cousin, Rich in Pittsburgh. I have to remember to do that when I get back.

So Maya's got this gig 'til she gets another movie assignment from the DGA Trainee program. I only half-jokingly told her that when she gets her assignment, she needs to recommend me to Harvey as a personal assistant... she's making pretty good money for working about 26 hours a week. Of course, the gig is new and it remains to be seen how often she'll actually work that few hours. Being a personal assistant, I think, becomes all consuming.

Anyway, I'm hoping with all her extra time she'll have time to order a land line for the apartment. We've both been using our cell phones, which is great and all, but it's cut into my ability to get online at will. Oh, right, I've already mentioned this before. On December 3rd, right? Yeah, well, it hasn't gotten any better. One good thing has been that I can check my mail via the web at work, but that's a little shady, when you're temping - so I've been a little hesitant to do that. I'm so conscientious. How the hell do you spell "conscientious," anyway?

So I can't believe my time in the Brooklyn sublet is almost up. Jesse Bernstein's gonna want his bedroom back, and I'm gonna miss this place. It's really pretty funky in many ways; the guys who lived here weren't exactly the most obsessive about keeping the place tidy, and I don't think it would be unfair to suggest that they were twelve different kinds of pack rats. But I really enjoyed the place, for the most part, and I liked living on the edge of Park Slope...

Here's hoping that I'll find someplace equally cool to live, and soon, too.

The Bleak Midwinter?

Interesting day. I'm clearly a little depressed, or at least feeling melancholy, since I've been listening to the "melancholy" playlist on my computer as I've been sitting here writing this evening. I've got in on "replay," and there are only about six songs on it - all the saddest shit. And I've been listening to it for hours.

I've been making a lot of progress on my piece about my family. I'm not sure what to call it just yet... it's kind of a fictionalized autobiography. Though that doesn't make a whole lot of sense, since that would just make it fiction, wouldn't it? But I'm writing about some pretty personal stuff from around the time when my brother, Billy died - and I'm not at a point yet where I'm changing the names, which of course I'd have to do someday, before letting anyone read it.

Unfortunately, with my interest piqued by this embellishment from my youth, the pope screenplay has suffered from a great deal of neglect. I'm hoping that I can sorta tag-team on the two of them over the next couple of months and make progress on both. God knows I'll have the time! I learned just before Christmas that I didn't get the Fuddy Meers gig at City Theatre. Not that I expected to, you'll remember, but it's always a disappointment to get confirmation that you've got absolutely nothing on the horizon.

By the way, did I mention that I went to Richard Kohn's annual Christmas party while I was in Pittsburgh? Richard is, of course, my agent (or one of them, that is) at The Talent Group, my agency in Pittsburgh. Richard's party is legend. I've never seen so many people packed into such a small space. It has to be the best attended damn party of the season. Absolutely amazing.

Here's a picture of Richard and me in the only place where people weren't packed bumper to bumper: the bedroom, where all the coats were piled. We managed to catch this one during a break in the steady stream of people coming and going.

Here's my favorite picture of the evening - of Stephen Black, Richard's partner at The Talent Group, and my other agent, of course. First, I think I've taken a great picture, and second, I think it's a great pictures of Stephen. I've always known that Stephen was a handsome guy, but jeez, would you look at this thing? He's lost weight, I think, and has definitely been working out. Or maybe not... maybe I just saw him so much when I actually lived in Pittsburgh that I just plain got used to how handsome he is. Bastard. Anyway, I think he looks great, and I really, really like this picture of him. I did that blur effect thing again on the background - just slightly - to focus the attention on him. If he had e-mail, I'd send it to him. But he's too busy to be bothered with it, I guess. That's what assistants are for!

By far, the biggest treat of the evening was seeing Americus Rocco, who I'd not seen since my going-away party in February. It was a double treat since I had such a nice time at the party - which I didn't know about 'til that afternoon after rehearsal - and I got to see Americus. The whole thing was made even better by the fact that Jeffrey Leonard was also at the party! I hadn't seen Jeff in a really long time either! That picture on the left is of Sean Leonard (Jeff's brother - who I think I hadn't seen since Jeff's 40th birthday party, and I'm not gonna tell you how long that's been), Jeff, and Americus.

I have to say, I really miss my friends in Pittsburgh... I mean, I have great friends in New York City; Doug is one of my best friends, and Janet's becoming one. And I frankly adore Maya, who's my roommate in the sublet. But there's no getting around it; I don't have access to my beloved friends like I did when I was living back home. And when I think about it, maybe that's why I'm felling melancholic.

What A Difference A Year Makes

Whoa. What a difference a year makes, huh?

A year ago today I was cleaning up from a lovely party at the home I shared with Gavan. We'd had dinner with 14 or so of our closest friends, and many of them stayed with us to ring in the New Year.

And here we are, a year later, and I'm without Gavan, without a home in Pittsburgh (and, truth be told, without a real home in NYC), and coming off what's been one of the hardest years of my life. Life can throw some rather troublesome curve balls at you. And I, to be frank, have never been much of a batter. The very idea of my signing up for Little League made my whole family laugh out loud.

Luckily, I had great friends with whom I could spend New Year's Eve. Doug Rees and Janet Dickinson took pity on me and not only invited me to dine with them, but allowed me to tag along to a party at their friend Kathi Gilmore's apartment, as well. All in all, it turned out to be a great holiday.

And on top of that, I've finally found work! Well, kinda. I interviewed and registered with a new temp agency on the day after Christmas: The Laury Group. They're a small agency, but they came very highly recommended by Connie Selliers and Lanene Charters. And they called me the very day I registered to work in-house the next day. What started out, I think, as a one-day test assignment to see if I was really as good as my resume has turned into work until I leave for Pittsburgh to do Tony McKay's play. At this point, any amount of work is great!

So I'm looking forward to getting back to Pittsburgh and jumping into this play. I'm a little scared about the whole thing - did I tell you that I'm playing a transvestite prostitute? There's potential here for me to look like a major, major idiot. The very idea of me in drag, frankly, no matter how much weight I've lost, just scares the hell out of me. Talk about taking risks!

Oh, I don't think I shared these pictures that I took when I was in Pittsburgh during December. The first one is of Mike Schmalz, our stage manager. Mike's a rather interesting guy - he's a long time production stage manager who's gone back to school to get an MFA in Design so that he can teach. He spent many a year on the road with traveling companies, and I guess he's had quite enough. Can't say I blame him. Gavan used to tell stories about loving being on the road and at the same time hating it. It certainly made it understandable that he'd want to go back to Pittsburgh to settle down.

The second picture is of David Larsen, who's the actor I'm working with in my portion of the evening. The show is a series of three one-acts following a family during the 1950s, '60s, and '70s. David plays the son, and I play the prostitute he picks up. Long story. Anyway, these guys are only two of the reasons that the show's been fun to work on... I managed not to snap photos of Gary Kline and Tony McKay, both of whom were at rehearsals - which is helpful, since the former is the director and the latter is the playwright! Hopefully, when I'm back in Pittsburgh for the rehearsal week and the run, I'll have more opportunities to snap photos. One photo you can rest assured will not appear here is the one of me in drag. The very thought of there being photographic evidence of this train-wreck-to-be makes me break out in a cold sweat.

Since I hadn't done it in a while, I snapped a photo of myself, too, once I got settled into the apartment in Brooklyn. I happen to like this photo a lot, for some reason. I think it's a picture that's got the rare attributes of both being a good shot and actually looking like me. You can judge best - what do you think? The other reason I like it is that I played with it in Photoshop, which I really hadn't had much of a chance to use, to do the blur effect on the background and thus put the focus on me. If I'd been smart enough to cut down on the light on my face, this might actually have been a really great picture. As it is, I still like it.

Hopefully Toni won't think I look anemic when she sees it.