On Being In Medico Flagrante

As you likely know, I've been without health insurance for a couple years. The vagaries of work in the acting world left me without the required number of work-weeks to qualify, so I've been sorta doing what I could on my own to remain fit and healthy, and not do anything that might necessitate a trip to the emergency room. You know, like step in front of a bus.

With my recent employment at The Velvet Prison, the gods have again smiled upon me and bestowed the bounty of Health Coverage with Reasonably Low Deductible and Co-Pays on my sorry ass.

That being the case, I recently made an appointment to meet my new physician, and have myself given a looky-loo.

Since coming to New York, I'd been a patient at the Callen-Lorde Community Health Center, where I had a crush on my doctor, or, as I like to call him, "Hot Doc." The problem was, I'm not the type who gets sick a lot, so I mainly used the clinic for my annual checkups and the like, and I felt as though I were a bit of an interloper, since its mission seemed, to me, to be to serve people who didn't have insurance and needed a more critical kind of care than I did. I felt guilty complaining about my allergies when I was sitting next to AIDS patients in the waiting room.

So, courtesy of a co-worker who's also gay, I got hooked up with a new doctor who's also, er, Family, and I got myself checked out last week.

Long story short, I'm in better shape than I thought I was! Before the health insurance ran out a couple years ago, Hot Doc had told me that he was concerned about how high my triglycerides were. Since high triglycerides with no other symptoms can be a symptom of undiagnosed diabetes, I've been a little freaked out for quite a while.

The latest blood tests say that all is well (hateful though it may be, I'm sure the gym and my efforts at eating better are part of it) and I'm not (at least yet) going the way of my dad. No diabetes for me, my friends.

To which I have nothing funny or clever or ironic to say but "Whew."

Happy Birthday

I've reached an age where you'd think I'd be less and less affected by birthdays.

For the most part, I am. Oddly, though, birthdays are, like, the one occasion when my most basic, neurotic and deep-seated insecurities bubble to the surface.

Take this last one, for instance.

This year I decided to host my own party. Betty Boop and I hadn't had a real shindig at the apartment since last Halloween, so I thought it was high time we had some people over, for drinks and a light nosh.

The Fozz was rather adamant about what a waste of money it would be to go the Fresh Direct route, so he and I shopped like madmen on Saturday and hauled our well-gotten gain up the four flights to The Aerie. I, frankly, have never seen so many vegetables, fruits, salamis and frozen treats assembled in one place before. I felt like the mule and the Sherpa guide both.

Sunday, while Betty Boop and I went to a yoga class, Fozz got busy and turned everything we'd bought into an amazing spread; veggie tray to die for, abundant cheeses, hot artichoke dip. My favorite? Fruit kabobs. The man's a genius.

Anyway, I got back and cleaned the bathroom, and The Boop did some tidying in the common areas, and all was ready.

Here's where my insecurity comes into play.

The appointed time for the party was 8 p.m.

8:00 p.m.: No one's arrived.

8:15 p.m.: No one's arrived.

8:40 p.m.: One guest arrives.

9:00 p.m.: Still me, Fozz, Boop and First Guest.

It's, of course, at this point that a couple of things are running through my head:

1. I'm a big fat fucking loser.
   
   
2. No one loves me.
   
   
3. I have no real friends.
   
   
4. I'm destined to die alone and afraid, wrapped in multiple blankets and eating cat food in my dirty, sad little fifth-floor walkup studio in the outer reaches of the Bronx, with street gang wars raging outside, and me 80 years old and afraid to leave my apartment.

You know, of course, what happened next.

It's New York City, of course, so a flood of people arrived late, a good time was had, alcohol flowed (in painfully copious amounts), and I was drowned in love and good wishes.

You'd think that having had this happen more than once in my life would sort of inure me to the effects of my one neurosis, but that's simply not the case.

Happily, though, the evening not only worked out, but turned out to be the one of the best birthdays I've ever had. It was on a par with The Summer of Joe in 2004 (when I turned the big four-oh).

So I survived my birthday, and even managed not to be consumed whole by my own insecurity. Both of which are excellent outcomes, from my perspective.

Dagmar. Rocks.

Falling Down Drunk-to-Be

I haven't been to the Font of Dionysus in a while, so I'm going this evening. I expect to look something like this come the end of the evening:

My Heroes

At the wedding this past weekend, I had the pleasure of meeting The Bride's sister, The Wedding Photographer, and her husband, The Wedding Photographer.

I don't know how I'm going to distinguish between them. They come as a matched set. Well, they're different colors, but it seems terriblely un-PC (not to mention unwieldy) to refer to them as The White Photographer and The Black Photographer.

Regardless, they were a delightful couple. After meeting them at the rehearsal dinner on Friday, I went to their website and decided that, artistically, they are my heroes. Despite my major camera envy, I want to emulate them in all things photographic, including style.

A & M, you rawk.

G.F.R.

Okay, here's the thing. My first reaction upon hearing the news was to suppress my unseemly glee and consider the fact that the man had a family who loved him and friends who cherished him, so it's not like he was the Imp of Satan or anything.

And although I suspect that if he'd had his way, I'd have been rounded up and forced to go to an conversion camp or something, I can't really know for sure what was going on in his head, and so can't bring myself to hate someone who's never actually tried to hurt me directly. Hell, I have a hard time hating people, period.

Then I thought about this, and how, in one of our country's darkest times, the man used fear and hate in the guise of piety to forward his political agenda...

And all I can say is: Good. Fucking. Riddance.

Now if only he had taken his friend with him.

A Wedding

This past weekend, I flew back to Pittsburgh, rented a car and drove northward into the hinterlands of Pennsylvania to attend the wedding of The Godson.

The entire experience was a bit of a trip. No pun intended.

Sometimes I think I’ve become too much the New Yorker, in that side trips into what many New Yorkers think of as “the flyover states” tend to leave me bewildered and lost, socially.

The wedding was held outside of Titusville, PA, near the hometown of The Bride. The country around Titusville is all rolling wooded hills and farms and the like – really stunningly pretty. And the people are almost universally friendly. I stopped to fill up the gas tank in my rented Jeep Liberty, and the wizened lady behind the counter at the gas station/convenience store greeted me as warmly as the neighborhood guy who’d come in ahead of me. The same thing happened on my way back to Pittsburgh; I pulled into the Kwik Fill outside of Oil City, PA, and this bearded, scary looking guy behind the counter was as nice as pie, as was the barrel-chested farmer and skinny (and cute) guy who were behind me in line – every last one of them had a smile and a friendly greeting for me.

People there make eye contact. It’s unsettling.

Just kidding.

A little.

The wedding itself was a lovely affair, managed mostly by the mother of the bride and the bride herself.

It was at the Cross Creek Resort and as the sun set over the golf course and the surrounding hills, the most amazing orange light came steaming through the room where the reception was raging.

All in all it was a lovely weekend. I got to see my family, and I spent Mother’s Day in the company of my mother for the first time since I moved to New York six years ago. To top it all off, she shared the drive back to Pittsburgh with me – the most quality time we’ve spent together in years.

Something occurred to me as we were driving back. Coming home for this wedding was the first big family event I’d attended (aside from my Dad’s funeral, of course) in probably ten years. Maybe more. The father of the groom, my brother, has four children, and the groom was the last of them to marry. One’s already given my brother a grandchild, who I met for the first time.

It all just leaves me wondering what it is that I’ve given up for my years upon the wicked stage. I’ve spent the last twenty years unable to attend these sorts of functions because I was in some show somewhere, or dirt broke and unable to get to wherever the event was taking place.

When my parents celebrated their fiftieth wedding anniversary, I happened to be in Pittsburgh working, so I got to go to the service at the church, but had to miss the reception to do an evening show. What sort of idiocy possessed me to think that the work I was doing – the life I wanted to lead – was worth that? Actually, I’m less inclined to indict myself than I am the theaters who cast shows in such a way that the understudies – if there are understudies at all – can never go on and there’s no chance that an actor can have an evening off for anything short of The Apocalypse.

I don’t know. Clearly, I made these choices. And I’m happy that I did. It was the life I wanted at the time. In general, I strive not to dwell on the past and regret, but in this case I can say I really wish I’d found a way to balance all that.

The wedding this weekend was a little taste of what I’ve been missing all these years. I should have been closer to my family. I should have been at those other three weddings, the weddings of the four or five other nieces and nephews who’ve gotten hitched. I should have attended family picnics and family vacations and such.

Coulda shoulda woulda, huh?

Me. In 1200 Words or Less

My friend, The Chanteuse, upon discovering that I had an internet connection at the bar of the Font of Dionysus, insisted that we go to alabe.com and do my chart.

So, herewith I present (for those of you foolish enough to read all of it) everything you need to know about me, in 1200 words or less:

May 27 1964
5:00 PM Time Zone is EDT
Pittsburgh, PA

Rising Sign is in 24 Degrees Libra
Very attractive and popular, your charm helps you to get your own way and prevents others from getting angry with you. "Peace and harmony at all costs" is your battle cry. You always try to ameliorate or to cosmetically hide any physical ugliness or any angry feelings between people. Flashy, but not gaudy, you prefer to dress elegantly. You generally have good taste in music, art and literature. Beware of the tendency to compromise yourself in your attempt to be agreeable at all times. A bit of a social butterfly, at times you can be vain and lazy. For the most part, however, you are gracious and affectionate, and your refined and aristocratic demeanor serves as a role model to others.

Sun is in 06 Degrees Gemini.
You have a quick, bright and agile mind, but an extremely short attention span. You love the external, kaleidoscopic aspects of life, but you tend to avoid (and even fear) deep, close emotional involvements. As such, you seem to enjoy travel and sightseeing and generally being "on-the-go." You get quite listless when things around you become static and dull, but your excitement returns whenever you are stimulated by a new idea. Chatty, inquisitive and quite playful, you enjoy practical jokes and games in general. Your moods change quickly and often -- you are very restless and constantly in motion. You are known for your versatility and adaptability. Your vivaciousness enlivens any social gathering.

Moon is in 22 Degrees Sagittarius.
An idealist, you prefer the grand, the beautiful, the good and the noble. You get very disappointed when your high expectations in life are not met. Very curious by nature, you enjoy traveling and learning about other peoples and cultures. Try to avoid your tendency to ignore the small but important details of living. You are independent and free, and you want others to be that way, too. Optimistic, buoyant and cheerful, others like to have you around. You have an incessant desire to learn as much as possible about metaphysics, religion, philosophy and any other broad, deep subject. Your life tends to be punctuated by bursts of energy and frenetic activity.

Mercury is in 11 Degrees Taurus.
A slow and careful thinker, you like to present ideas visually and concretely. Abstractions are quite difficult for you to understand. For you, everything must be practical and useful in order to merit your attention. You are a perfectionist -- you enjoy being skillful enough to handle the dexterity required of fine craftsmanship. Cautious and conservative in your thinking, you are very slow to change your opinions. You are more apt to respond to an appeal to your feelings than to an appeal to logic or reason.

Venus is in 06 Degrees Cancer.
You like to be very close to other people. You need emotional support yourself and are willing to give it to others. When you feel unloved and insecure, you can be very jealous and possessive. You are not interested in casual or superficial relationships -- only deep emotional involvements interest you. Your faithful devotion is one of your greatest gifts, but be careful not to become too dependent on others. Learn to stand on your own two feet and demand your own rights once in a while.

Mars is in 15 Degrees Taurus.
Careful, slow and thorough about all that you do, at times you are also willful and stubborn when others try to alter your course. You are definitely not a quitter -- you will work long and hard to get what you want. Your possessions are very important to you. One of your continuing problems is that you tend to regard the significant people in your life much the same way as you do your possessions -- you become overly attached and much too jealous. You repress your anger when you get upset and that is not healthy. Try to learn to show your anger immediately in order to avoid painful explosions later.

Jupiter is in 10 Degrees Taurus.
Growth only occurs for you after you have found a stable lifestyle and a dependable, protective and secure environment. You are at your best when those around you provide you with a great deal of affection and support. When you feel insecure or threatened, you tend to become possessive and grasping and self- indulgent. You are an inveterate collector with an expensive preference for all the good things that life has to offer.

Saturn is in 04 Degrees Pisces.
Your tendency to think that your life is out of control is based on an unreasonable fear, probably connected with an unfortunate experience with the person who filled the father figure role in your early life. Learn to take responsibility here and now for your own life. Try to stop having unrealistic expectations about guide figures. Remember that they are merely human, with all the same faults and self-doubts that you have. When you get confused or uncertain, try to simplify your lifestyle -- things will then become easier to bear.

Uranus is in 06 Degrees Virgo.
You, and all your peers, will be known for the degree of intensity with which you dislike normal everyday routines and chores. You will go out of your way to invent innovative, unique and timesaving ways to perform the various mundane routines and duties of living. You will be attracted to all manner of practical and useful gadgets -- anything that will make your daily life more exciting.

Neptune is in 15 Degrees Scorpio.
You, and your entire generation, are extremely interested in anything deep and mysterious. You will explore and idealize the benefits that can accrue from the study of the occult, healing and psychology. You are willing to experiment with substances like drugs in order to push your understanding of your inner being to the extreme.

Pluto is in 11 Degrees Virgo.
For your entire generation, this will be a time when profound changes in society's attitude toward work, duty and responsibility will be initiated. Radical changes in attitudes toward personal health and general nutrition will be promulgated and gain wide acceptance and practice.

N. Node is in 02 Degrees Cancer.
You genuinely enjoy meeting other people, but you're at your best if you can do so from the comfort of your own home. You prefer others to come to you and tend to feel uncomfortable about leaving your home or neighborhood for any extended period of time. Those who do come in contact with you are struck by your caring and obliging nature -- you really make them feel at home. You form the closest ties, however, with members of your immediate family, especially your parents and children. You're at your best attending or organizing family reunions!

Hola, "Spring."

There really aren't words enough for how grateful I am for the return of Spring. You'll note, please that I'm stifling any urge to bitch about the fact that Spring has really kinda devolved into Instant Summer. It was nearly 80° last weekend, which isn't terribly spring-like.

Again, though, I'm not bitching.

I'm so freakin' grateful that there's green in the world again that you won't find me complaining about how hot it is.

Honestly.

No, I'm not shitting you. Do you hear me complaining?

I love this weather. Love. Love. Love.

I only wish I'd been better about getting to the gym more often, now that near-naked weather seems to be upon us.

Not so good at that, the last couple of months, my friends. I think it's been, like, two months since I've been to the gym. That's about $140 down the toilet.

But at least the world, she is green again, and as far as I'm concerned, that's A-Okay.

Pet Envy

Dude. It's true, what they say about time healing all wounds.

I've been finding myself nostalgic lately for my old friend, Truckstop.

Remember Truckstop? My former cat? The Right Hand of Satan? The Destroyer of Wa? Evil Incarnate?

Yeah, I'm missing him.

Maybe the mists have time have made me forget all about the horror of the four months we lived alone together. You know, when he yowled all through the night and allowed me no more than two hours of uninterrupted sleep for nearly 120 days? Yeah, funny how memory works.

I've been thinking a lot lately about getting a pet (DOG!), which I can't really do until (a) I have some time to devote to looking for a suitable puppy ('cuz a puppy, though requiring training, will be easier for Betty Boop's cat, Jazz, to accept without either of them dying) and (b) can take the time off to devote to the necessary training/settling-in process.

Although... I am planning on taking the week after my birthday off. Maybe that's something to think about?