I can't tell you how happy I am to be in New York City for Christmas - the realization of a dream I've held for a very, very long time. Oddly, I'm both excited and frightened to be spending my first Christmas season in 37 years away from my family. And as it happens, none of my friends are going to be in town for the holiday, so I'm going to be spending much of it alone. Rather than wallow in my solitude, I thought I'd volunteer at a church in Manhattan that feeds the less fortunate. If there's one thing I've learned this year, it's that no matter how bad things seem for me, I'm way better off than some people. Sometimes, in my tendency to wallow in self pity, I find that I need to be reminded of that.
Since it's the beginning of the end of the year, I think I've been spending a lot more time than usual contemplating my life, and what's happened this past year. I've decided that there's really just no getting around it: This year really sucked snot.
Don't get me wrong. There have been some incredible highlights - not the least of which has been the chance to work at the Arden Theatre in Philadelphia. Not just once, but twice! Those were two really incredible growing experiences. And the latter of the two, The Pavilion was probably one of the most challenging things I've ever done. I'm incredibly grateful for the chance to have worked on it.
But with all that having been said, this year coming to a close is one of the hardest I've ever had. As if it weren't turbulent enough to move away from my hometown and try to get work in new places, I also went through the end of a four-year relationship. Even though I've said that it wasn't a surprise to either of us, breaking up with Gavan was a lot harder than I would have thought it could be. Even if you don't feel the way about someone you did when you first met them, there's no denying that they become, after four years, a really, really important part of your life, for good or ill. And while we'd be physically separated in the five months before our relationship ended, the actual end of the relationship still left a void. I often wonder if he felt the same thing, or if the relationship had ended, for him, from the time I left Pittsburgh to go to Philadelphia. There are some things I guess I'll never ask him... or at least not for a really long time. It's possible to move on, I think, and still be a little raw about stuff.
I spent way too much of 2001 sad. And anxious and scared about what the future held. And I don't even mean the long-term stuff, but the immediate future, as in "next week."
So I'm getting ready to embark upon 2002, and it surely has snuck up on me. Here's hoping that it's better than 2001.
Since it's the beginning of the end of the year, I think I've been spending a lot more time than usual contemplating my life, and what's happened this past year. I've decided that there's really just no getting around it: This year really sucked snot.
Don't get me wrong. There have been some incredible highlights - not the least of which has been the chance to work at the Arden Theatre in Philadelphia. Not just once, but twice! Those were two really incredible growing experiences. And the latter of the two, The Pavilion was probably one of the most challenging things I've ever done. I'm incredibly grateful for the chance to have worked on it.
But with all that having been said, this year coming to a close is one of the hardest I've ever had. As if it weren't turbulent enough to move away from my hometown and try to get work in new places, I also went through the end of a four-year relationship. Even though I've said that it wasn't a surprise to either of us, breaking up with Gavan was a lot harder than I would have thought it could be. Even if you don't feel the way about someone you did when you first met them, there's no denying that they become, after four years, a really, really important part of your life, for good or ill. And while we'd be physically separated in the five months before our relationship ended, the actual end of the relationship still left a void. I often wonder if he felt the same thing, or if the relationship had ended, for him, from the time I left Pittsburgh to go to Philadelphia. There are some things I guess I'll never ask him... or at least not for a really long time. It's possible to move on, I think, and still be a little raw about stuff.
I spent way too much of 2001 sad. And anxious and scared about what the future held. And I don't even mean the long-term stuff, but the immediate future, as in "next week."
So I'm getting ready to embark upon 2002, and it surely has snuck up on me. Here's hoping that it's better than 2001.
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