Don't Look Now, But...

I divide my time equally between being absolutely amazed how how rich and full my life is, and despairing that there's something missing and I'm not living it to its fullest. I think it has a lot to do with the fact that I'm a Gemini.

I don't want you to think that I'm some sort of New Age Freak... well, actually, I don't give a shit what you think, but my meaning is that I don't want to suggest that I place an unhealthy amount of faith in the signs of the zodiac.

Actually, I don't think I even mean that... since one of the things I like most about myself is that I excel (in my own humble opinion) at seeing many different sides of an issue. And I've always been one of those there's-more-in-heaven-and-earth-than-is-dreamt-of-in-your-philosophy-Horatio kinda people - in that I the one sure thing I know is that the universe is chock full of stuff I will never understand, and don't, frankly, need to.

I have a record album (well, actually a CD) by Iris DeMent, and there's a song on it called "Let the Mystery Be," which pretty well sums up my thinking on much of the supernatural/metaphysical aspects of my existence... It's enough to know that there's an awesome collection of phenomena I'll never understand, and I can co-exist with them, and we can all thrive.

But I ramble ("And this is odd because...?" I hear you asking). My point some four paragraphs ago is that I simultaneously enjoy and suffer the existence that I think a lot of people do... the sure knowledge that my life is a blessing that's beyond a great many people's, and the nagging suspicion that somehow, somewhere I'm being cheated out of something.

I wonder, though, if this isn't a point of view that's unique to this time and place in history? Something of a "Generation X" or "Generation Y" affliction. I don't get the impression that my parents were waiting around for something bigger to be delivered. But there's a feeling that I get from my peers (and I'd be dishonest if I didn't suggest that I feel it in myself sometimes, just - I hope - not as deeply as I think some do) that we deserve better than this, but the effort required to deliver whatever's better shouldn't be coming from us.

So I took a rather large step today. I interviewed for the position at the Population Council at which I'd temped before going to Pittsburgh to do Charlie Brown. Being offered and accepting the position would mean a hiatus from doing theater work for a while... at least theater work outside of New York, and theater work that did anything other than rehearse during evenings.

It's a big step, but one I think I need to take. 'Course, I'm certainly not counting any chickens; they haven't offered me the position, though I think it went well and I acquitted myself pretty well. Actually, it was a very easy process, since I was interviewing with people I'd already spent 2½ months working with... As Sandy Arnold (for whom I'd be working) said, "It isn't often you get to try before you buy." There was a built in comfort level that was actually kind of cool.

The thing about The Population Council is that the people are just so friendly, and the work that the organization does is just so admirable that I think it'll make the transition easier. So just don't be terribly surprised if the banner on my home page goes from "Actor/Voice Talent" to "A Guy Living & Working in New York City."