I'm a Gemini

I'm a typical Gemini, in that I find it impossible to really be decisive, to commit to a plan. That's why it felt so weird today to tell the group of actors I'm working with that I'm giving up theater. I keep realizing afterward that every time I tell someone about my plan to give up theater for a while to focus on being financially stable and work a bit more seriously on getting voice-over work & getting a commercial agent that I didn't look them in the eye while talking to them about it.

The Voice in My Head has some very strong feelings about my choice, I think. Actually, I think it's The Voice in My Heart that has strong feelings about it, but The Voice in My Head has won this round. I simply can't go on living from, how did Toni put it? "penny to penny and having nothing to show for it."

Granted, I don't completely agree with Toni's assessment of what I have to show for it, though I freely admit the rewards of my experience are hardly monetary.

But I'd be lying if I didn't say there was a war going on inside of me, between the part of me that thinks I should start being realistic and get my life in order, and the part of me that keeps insisting if I hold out that all those years of hard work will pay off, and some sort of career success is in the offing.

I think the thing that worries me most is that I've not often been wrong when it counts, as far as that sixth sense goes, wherein my career is concerned. On those occasions when I've had the feeling that something big was in the offing, something big was in the offing. So the fear is, have I screwed the pooch, as it were, in taking a job that's going to derail a big acting move?

Ah, the life of an indecisive Gemini. 'Cuz, you know, there's not enough important shit to worry about in life.