Someday

I've kinda developed this mantra: "Some day." Since I've been feeling like I'm on the verge of getting my life in order and at the heart of things I really wanna focus on making that happen, there are a lot of things I'm letting slip by that I've sorta unconsciously decided will take care of themselves once I've made myself happy with myself.

Not really sure how much sense that makes, but there it is, for what it's worth.

Like, I'll see an attractive guy and instead of flirting with him I'll say to myself, "Some day." You know - right now I'm feeling like I'm not buff enough, or cute enough, or just plain feeling good enough about myself to engage in that whole ritual, so I just say to myself, "Some day," and move on.

This thing is a double-edged sword, though, because it can easily back-fire. I mean, right now, when I'm muttering some day to myself, what I really mean is "in about four to six months," 'cuz I really and sincerely believe that once I start in on this whole gym membership thing I'm planning (have I told you about that? Oh yeah, I decided on a gym that I think is right for me... more on that later), I'm going to trim down and get a little leaner and re-distribute some of my weight so that when I do lose a little I won't look, as my dear incredibly opinionated and reacitonary friend Toni might say, "anemic."

The problem is, though, that I can totally see the reverse happening; that my usual procratination urges might take over and I put off the gym membership 'cuz I'm afraid to spend the money and suddenly it's a year from now and nothing's changed. As we know, the great failures in my life have all come from being paralyzed by the fear of failure into inaction, right?

So there you have it... I keep pushing myself to stay positive.

Being back in the city helps in that regard; as does having full-time employment. I got my very first paycheck last week, and getting that did wonders for my mood. Sadly, the direct deposit hadn't yet kicked in, so my check was actually in the form of a check, which I immediate put in the mail to deposit in my credit union account. Too - and I don't know what I was thinking here - I got so caught up in starting the new job and going back and forth to the Ren Fest each week, that I completely forgot to invoice Gordon Rosenthal for the work we did when I was in Pittsburgh doing Aristocrats! I got back from a Ren Fest weekend last week and found an e-mail from him asking about my bill! So that's another chunk of money that'll be hitting my account soon.

The best part of being back in the city is being able to see my friends, of course. Having dinner with Doug and Ken on 9/11 was a treat. I can't imagine having had to spend that day alone here.