Yes, I Went to the Tony Awards

On my way to meet Doug in midtown. Took the day off today to deal with the cable guy, and the damn cable service popped on again about a half an hour before the guy was supposed to show up. Tres annoying, in the extreme. I can't imagine what the deal is with that. Does cable come through the phone lines? I thought not, but maybe the interruption in the phone service screwed with the cable?
I don't know.

Grey day in the city today. I'm glad Doug and I are seeing a movie and having dinner - since it's threatening to rain this evening.

I got misted this moring when I went to the post office to pick up some mail. and it was colder than I expected, too. I have to say though, that it felt good. If I'd have been out in it any longer, I'd have grown uncomfortable, but it was refreshing, as it was. I suppose it's the Universe's attempt at giving us some sort of Spring. Nice try, babe.

My goodness, but I'm still fuming over Toni insisting that I should go back to Pittsburgh. I'm not sure how to deal with that anger, how to express it in a non-damaging way.

Part, of course, of the anger is reactionary - because I see the logic of her argument and maybe even a little part of me wants to run away. Part of me wants to run back to my friends and family and be protected.

The hard part is that the intuitive part of me knows in ways that can't be put into worsds that would be the death of me. Not physically, of course, but spiritually.

So now I'm at JR's restaurant waiting for Doug - and I just had a sudden thought about why I so obsessively write down my thoughts in this - or the other - journal [Ed. note: Remember, this stuff was first committed to the paper journal and later typed out].

It's because I feel alone, as though I have no one to share my thoughts with. As if, by recording them I prove that I was here to have them in the first place. It has something to do with feeling invisible, I think. With the idea of having people with whom I'd like to connect looking right through me. I'm not feeling it now, but I remember feeling "invisible" when I was in the worst part of my earlier clinical depression. Man, am I glad those days are over!

By the way, I can't believe that I've neglected to mention where I was last Sunday!!!!

Did I tell you that the very sweet Lanene Charters had invited me to join her at the 2003 Tony Awards?!? Well she did, and we got all gussied up on Sunday, and had a fabulous time! I've never been to anything like it.

The photo to the left is of all the people lined up in front of us, waiting to get into Radio City Music hall for the event. We stood there for a while before we realized that not all these people had tickets, and there was a separate entrance for those of us who already had ours.

The show itself was great, if a bit long. I had expected that I would be bored brainless, given that I knew we were going to be holding for commercial breaks something like three or four times an hour, but it turned out to be a whole lote of fun. Hugh Jackman was a really wonderful host, and he did his best to keep the crowd awake. That's a picture of him to the right, cracking wise as the evening is rolling along.

I really can't thank Lanene enough. It's been wonderful to have the chance to spend more time with her, now that she's back in the city on a more regular basis.

She got a bit of wonderful news right before the awards, by the way - she's finally been offered a full-time swing position (sorta an all-purpose understudy for the ensemble) on Mama Mia, so she'll have her first actual Broadway show! She's been on Broadway before, technically, as a sub on Mama Mia - she'd filled in for them when regulars were out, since she'd done the show on the road and was familiar with many of the ensemble tracks.

So congratulations, Lanene! I couldn't be more happy for you. It gives me hope that it could happen to me someday!

Uh, well, I won't be singing and dancing on Broadway, since I can't sing or dance for shit, but you know what I mean.