I was having a discussion yesterday with a friend about how I've been really putting myself out there and taking more risks, romantically. At one point I mentioned that a natural consequence of this was that I was suffering a lot more rejection than I'd had to handle in a really long time, being, as I was, reluctant for so long to take those risks. And too, it's been a while since I've been auditioning for shows and the like. So my rejection quotient has been relatively low for the past two years.
Anyway, my friend at work, upon hearing that I was holding up under all the rejections said something along the lines of, "Well, good. You'll become immune to it." And, in truth, I've said the same thing many times. Even here, I've mentioned that often my reaction to being rejected was something like, "Well, your loss. I mean, I was attracted and all, but it's not like you're Brad Pitt or anything." All perfectly true. But I wonder if there's not a big (or bigger than I imagined) difference between being able to realistically look at the rejection in context and actually being hurt by it?
It's all well and good (and true) to say, "well, okay, you're not attracted to me, some people won't be," but it still stings a little. And do you ever get used to that, I wonder?
I was talking to a relatively new friend of mine, Sal, the other day, and we had just discovered that we are both Geminae. He said something very interesting (and startling).
"I'm a Gemini. If there's food there, I'll eat it. If there's money in my pocket, I'll spend it."
I nearly fell off my chair, because he was describing me. I wonder if it's just a coincidence that we're two spendthrift Geminae who've found each other, or if it's a natural inclination shared by all of us.
Anyway, I'm hoping that I've got that problem licked, after limping through to the past couple of pay days. It certainly hasn't helped that we've switched from being paid every two weeks to being paid on the 15th and the last work day of the month. Used to be, every three months or so we'd get a month with three paychecks, which came in handy when it was time to buy stuff for the apartment or get new clothes. Now, it's "all tight all the time."
For all my bitching about it, though, I have to say that living alone is worth it, for now. I can imagine a point in the future when, like my friend Tom, I could go back to having roommates just to have more discretionary income, but for now, I'm enjoying living alone.
Truckstop, of course, is another story. He's gotten over crying all night long, but now he talks. Constantly. Every moment of every day. Never shuts up. It's becoming a wee bit tiresome. He clearly needs company, and so far, the search for a suitable new owner isn't going all that well. I continue, however, to look. Rather desperately.
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