16 September 2005

Name Your Fear

I've discovered a rather interesting phenomenon with the help of my dear friend, Amsy Dane.

I'm one of those people who's not too quick to talk about the things that are bothering him; I tend to bottle things up, and they affect me in interesting ways. I'm not talking about things like anger, which I don't think I have a lot of trouble expressing, for the most part. I mean the things that worry me -- that (see where this is going?) keep me up at night and prevent me from getting any sort of restful sleep.

I'm worrying a lot lately about going back to New York and being unemployed. Specifically, about not having as much in savings has I had hoped to, and wondering where October's rent is going to come from. There's nothing I hate more in all the world than being late in paying my rent... okay, maybe I hate genocide and prejudice and wanton disregard for personal liberties a lot more, but they're not part of my everyday world. I'm just saying.

Anywho, Ms. Amsy has reinforced something for me that I've lone know and rarely give credit to: Namely, that talking about one's fears -- actually sitting down with someone and saying out loud the thing that you fear most -- actually robs those things of much of their power.

Sitting at breakfast with Amsy, having her throw tons of thoughts and solutions and questions at me, gave me a most precious gift. It put everything in perspective. And best of all?

I slept nine hours last night.

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