For a while, I've paid lip service to the idea that, not only do you have to accept the good with the bad, but that very often they come at the same time... that's what life is. Always some good, always some bad.
Lately, I've been struggling with a "where's the good?" attitude. Things haven't been going terribly well. Mostly, I think I've just been skating by, not really in that black a hole (or, as one friend likes to put it: a "swirling vortex of Need"), but skirting the edge.
My dad's death; my increasing weariness with being a poor, struggling actor; yet another approaching holiday spent "alone;" waiting (fruitlessly, it increasing appears) for the guy who's supposedly supplying the memory for my laptop to come through -- all these things have piled up in such as way as to make me wonder when the good stuff is supposed to start flowing.
Several years ago, I wrote in my journal that I'd remarked to a friend how I felt like a sword being forged in a bright, hot flame -- and how I was looking forward to the finished product, but also how the process was kicking my ass. I guess I'm just a wee bit weary of feeling as though I'm being bent over an anvil and pounded on by a big hammer.
Hmm... maybe that metaphor was inexpertly applied. You get the idea, though.
Anyway, I've been spending a lot of time lately feeling sorry for myself, and that just pisses me off. It's a learned behavior, you know, all that "woe is me, look how badly the world is treating me" bullshit. Don't get me wrong... some people are ill-treated by the world, and sometimes I think I'm one of them. But really, how you react to it all is up to you.
I struggle to remember that. And I try to stay positive. Impoverished, but positive.
Lately, I've been struggling with a "where's the good?" attitude. Things haven't been going terribly well. Mostly, I think I've just been skating by, not really in that black a hole (or, as one friend likes to put it: a "swirling vortex of Need"), but skirting the edge.
My dad's death; my increasing weariness with being a poor, struggling actor; yet another approaching holiday spent "alone;" waiting (fruitlessly, it increasing appears) for the guy who's supposedly supplying the memory for my laptop to come through -- all these things have piled up in such as way as to make me wonder when the good stuff is supposed to start flowing.
Several years ago, I wrote in my journal that I'd remarked to a friend how I felt like a sword being forged in a bright, hot flame -- and how I was looking forward to the finished product, but also how the process was kicking my ass. I guess I'm just a wee bit weary of feeling as though I'm being bent over an anvil and pounded on by a big hammer.
Hmm... maybe that metaphor was inexpertly applied. You get the idea, though.
Anyway, I've been spending a lot of time lately feeling sorry for myself, and that just pisses me off. It's a learned behavior, you know, all that "woe is me, look how badly the world is treating me" bullshit. Don't get me wrong... some people are ill-treated by the world, and sometimes I think I'm one of them. But really, how you react to it all is up to you.
I struggle to remember that. And I try to stay positive. Impoverished, but positive.
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