Giuseppe in Hell

One of the problems with being me (that's right, I said one) is that there are so many things in the world that interest me, that I find fascinating and want to explore, that I shall never be able to do them all.

Hence, I am destined to be a perpetual dilettante.

Still, I soldier on.

Of the things that I love and missed the boat on (not having had a serious liberal arts education), chief among them is art.

Not so much modern art, which somehow -- and this is a bit of a generalization since there are always exceptions -- fails to move me, but classical art, or maybe "classic" art; anything from Greek pottery right up to the Impressionists.

But just 'cuz I love this stuff doesn't mean I actually know anything about it. But like a good play (something about which I fancy I know), I suspect a good piece of art allows you to experience it through your own filter.

Case in point: One of my favorite paintings (and no, this has nothing to do with my being gay; were that the case, my all-time favorite artist would be Joe Phillips) is Adophe-William Bouguerau's Dante and Virgil in Hell. For a number of reasons. But mostly because my reaction to it is so viceral. I think Bouguerau captures, in his rendition of Hell, a lot of the same anger that I have inside me -- and it's a great object lesson on the consequences of my anger.

But lest you think I'm here to get all analytical, I actually enjoy this painting on a much more purient level.

To wit:

Virgil's all, "See Dante? See? You wouldn't believe me. You freakin' had to see for yourself."

Dante's, like, "Well, yeah, but when you said..."

And Virgil's all, "Yeah! Yeah! That's right. You didn't believe me when I told you Hell was full of wrestling vampires."

Dante: "Dude, I'm..."

Virgil: "Oh, save it. Just save it. Now that you're here, just look around so we can get the eff outta here."

But like a guy passing a traffic accident -- Dante can't look away from the wrestling match. That, or Dante's just a big poofter.

Dante: "Oh. Oh my. That's -- oh. He's really digging in... Oh. Wow."

You know that face Kermit the Frog used to make when Miss Piggy would piss him off? You know, when his whole face sorta just compressed itself flat, and he gave her the dead-eye? That's kinda the face that Dante's making.

And Virgil's clearly got the "Whatever. You're the one who had to take a tour of Hell" look on his face.

What I don't get is the flying demon over Virgil's left shoulder. He looks like something out of a bad 30's movie version of a blackface routine. And you know he's there to egg them on: "You like it, don't you? You know you do. Look at that guy's ass, you dirty sodomites. Oh, yeah. You like it you like it you like it you like it you like it."

And let's not talk about the voyeur laying on the ground trying to sneak a look at a dark-haired guy's package.

And lest Bouguerau be accused of not pandering to all demographics, there appears to be some lesbian vampire action in the background.

One thing, though. One wonders about the circumstances under which this painting was done. I mean, it was painted circa 1850. Not an era known, I'm guessing, for its homoerotic art. A commission, most likely? I don't know. But I can't imagine any other reason for making the supposed eternal, throat-tearing, arm-breaking, flesh-flaying torment of Hell look so freakin' erotic.

Maybe all art really is about sex. Regardless, I love it.