Seven Day Itch

So at this point, Toni & Brendon have been married a week and are still off on their honeymoon.  I wonder if they've killed each other yet?

Just kidding.

Some of you have noted just how down I've been recently, and I wanted to say "thanks" to those who've written e-mails trying to cheer me up.  I appreciate knowing that I have so many people out there who're concerned with how I'm feeling.  That, in and of itself, should be enough to cheer me right the hell up.  And while it is, I've been thinking today that I have a lot more reasons to be happy.

I've always been a bit of a cipher - a contradiction, I suppose - and a true Gemini in that I've always been able to see multiple viewpoints on any given situation.  So it's important for everyone to understand that while, yes, I definitely am going through depression - maybe even a recurrence of the clinical depression I suffered years ago... it's not unheard of, after all, for these things to come back - things really aren't, and can't ever, be as bad as they were back in 1995 or so when I first sought help.

So much about me as a person has changed since those days.  Back then, I'd never fallen in love, really, and I'd never survived the end of a relationship that I'd thought would last forever.  I'd never quit my job to follow my dreams, and I'd never left the safety of home and family and loved ones to make those dreams come true.  And most of all, I'd never learned to truly trust in the support and love that real friends can offer you.

So yeah, I'm down right now.  But you know what?  I'm trapped inside today (on, of all days, Gay Pride 2003 day in Brooklyn!) and so I was reading over some great earlier journal entries.  A couple of them, actually.  Even during the hardest times that I was going through, I kept writing about my friends, and how lucky I was to have them, and how my life was golden in comparison to some people's lives.

The fact is I'm unhappy with my weight, and I'm unhappy with my love life, and I can't (at least from my point of view of the culture in which I live - the gay one, that is) fix the latter without first fixing the first.  So instead of staying cloistered today, and in spite of the rain (actually if you read that entry from May 24, you know how I feel about walking in a nice, gentle rainstorm... not that that's what today's is), I got out and had a walk, and went to the store and bought some fresh vegetables, rather than getting Chinese food from the place right below my bedroom.

It's a slow beginning, I know, but I have to, as one wag rather succinctly put it, "Imagine your life... now live it."

Pithy sayings are, I think, the answer to all the worlds problems.