I had a little bit of a panic attack over the apartment situation while I was having lunch with Toni today. Suddenly my stomach is tightened up again and I'm imagining worst-case scenarios. The crazy-ass upset diarrhea can't be far behind.
I have to remind myself to tell my friend Marc from gay.com that I saw his double here at Tuscany - if he were a bleach blond black man with an overabundance of flamboyance and very questionable taste in clothes. I'm sure he'll be pleased to hear this guy reminded me of him.
Say what you will about Tuscany, you have to give them props for having honey for tea -- and in a maple syrup dispenser to boot, which makes it infinitely more easy to properly flavor your tea.
It's been really dead the last couple of times I've come in here. The place has lost some of its appeal now that sexy little Mike no longer works here. Last night Patti was telling me that Mike had told her he was straight -- which absolutely amazed me, after the conversations he and I had had over coffee here. I wonder if maybe he's just one of those kids who just let people believe what they want so he can be accepted.
I don't know, though -- it's weird; I would be really disappointed if it turned out that Mike wasn't really gay and was just playing me. Even more disappointed than when I came to the conclusion that he had no interest in me "that way." Although if he really is straight, that would go a long way to explaining that.
Alas, I really have no business falling for men who're (a) too young for me and (b) in a city other than the one in which I live. No matter how friendly he is, how much he seems to enjoy my company, or how much I crave carnal knowledge of him. And lord, my carnal desires are awfully good at clouding my judgment. I guess I'm not so unusual in that.
I'm a little bitter that I haven't been more skilled at using sex as a distraction from my troubles! Everyone else around me seems to be so good at it. All the crazy ways I could choose to avoid my real problems, and what do I use? Food, fantasy, television, movies, but not sex. And like alcohol, it's really a perfect distraction. You totally subsume yourself in the obsessive search for it, to the total neglect of problems that are waiting to pounce on you like a bunch of hunting tigers.
Why can't I be like that?!?
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