He's Straight, Of Course

I've developed what can only be described as a crush on this guy I keep seeing at The Coffee Tree Roasters coffee shop.  He's obviously cute (or at least I think he is, or I wouldn't be interested in him), but I'm finding the thing that draws me to him most is that he's just so unconscious of how goofy he looks when he's laughing. I'm watching him now -- in what I'm hoping isn't too stalker-esque a way -- as he's standing on the street talking on his cell phone, and he's just yucking up an unselfconscious storm.  It's delightfully cute and endearing.

Two little kids just ran past him pell mell on the way to their car, and he handled it and the parents with physical grace and aplomb.  It was really very charming.

So of course he's straight.  Story of my life.

I'm actually rather alarmed by the number of straight men I'm crushing on lately.  It's just plain stupid, and I know it, but that doesn't seem to stop me from doing so, you know?  And it's not like I'm not over it, really.  Even I know how fruitless a pursuit it is; what a waste of energy.  Still they have this allure for me that I'm unable to explain, even beyond the crazy (and clichéd) "it's easy to covet that which you can never risk having than put yourself on the line" aspect.  There's just such an unselfconsciousness about them, in general, that makes them attractive.  I find so many of my own tribe are hyper aware of themselves, their surroundings, on how they "play" against their backdrop.  It wearies me.  It bores me.

I'm doomed to be alone, I think.

So, we closed our first weekend, today  We had a matinee -- you know how I love those, right?  And yet a funny thing happened.  This was the audience so far that seemed to be with us the least, yet theirs was the most enthusiastic applause, and the longest-lived.  They applauded long after we left the stage -- so long, in fact, that I was surprised we didn't return for a second bow.

 So it just goes to show that there's just no knowing how an audience is taking a show, even when you think you know what's going on... when you're sure that they're not only not with you, but actively hating you.  I was pretty sure this was a fairly disinterested crowd.  Their laughter seemed grudging, but it turns out that they were really listening.  That's always the case.  Actors, as a rule, tend to judge audiences as much as audiences judge actors, and actors are wrong about audiences a lot more than audiences are wrong about actors.

 It's something that I have to remind myself of, a lot.  That, and how important it is to not think about the audience too much.  Especially in a space as small as the Heymann Theatre.  You're on top of the audience in a space that intimate, and sometimes it's hard not to see them, and watch how they're reacting.

 Jay and I were talking about that yesterday -- how there could be a theater full of people loving the show, and our eyes would manage to fall on the sourpusses.  And I'm even worse.  I start to obsess about the sourpusses, and it distracts me from my performance.  And it's not like I'm the most focused performer there ever was.  I tend to be a little... how shall we say?... scattered?  Oddly, that's part of my charm as an actor... that I'm so whacked out that I'm usually ready for any weird thing that happens, live theater being what it is, and I'm ready to deal with it.

At least I'd like to believe it's part of my charm.  The people I work with may feel otherwise!

[P.S.  It's not lost on me that, for once in my life, it's the other guy in the pictures who's having to make all the faces!  Yahoo!]