01 June 2005

Are You My Mother?

Having come to the conclusion that the internet is just plain no damn way to meet a man, I'm left struggling with the options. My several recent excursions into the world of the smoky bars here in Pittsburgh (these savages still smoke in public places... WTF?) have left me with grave doubts about that scene as well.

In fact, the world of the bars doesn't seem to me to be too distantly removed from the world of the internet, actually. In both cases, you see someone who you give the once-over and about whom you make a split-second decision: Does he seem like someone I want to approach? Can my fragile ego withstand the possible rejection? So you either instant message the fellow or you approach him in the bar, and in each case you're attempting to make a good impression; displaying your saucy wit, worrying about what to say and not what to say. Or just plain looking to get laid.

It's all the same thing, yo.

And the internet has trained us to believe that if the guy in front of us isn't exactly what we want, why then he's got to be just around the corner, since there are so many fucking people online, and there are so many to choose from. I see it all the time, and I struggle not to do it myself: One tiny feature you don't like? Sorry pal, you're off the bus.

What ever happened to getting to know someone? Whatever happened to the second and third dates? I'm just curious.

And where, please tell me, where does a fella go to meet people if he's stone cold over the internet, and isn't particularly a big fan of bars?

I don't know if straight guys have this problem, but it seems to me that men at gay bars travel in packs -- the whole safety in numbers thing -- and that makes it really hard to approach someone you might find interesting. I mean, who wants to run the gauntlet of some cute guy's friends just to chat him up? And why would anyone want to subject themselves to the potential dissection that comes with being observed by your paramour's posse?

I dunno. Maybe I overthink these things.

In case you're wondering, the title of the post refers to a good friend's theory of how most gay men today skip from encounter to encounter, trying to find the perfect man/boyfriend. Not unlike lost little ducklings trying to find their way.

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