I miss the good old days, when:
- National elections happened over the course of a year, not spread out over three.
- You could tell someone was a homo by his earring and his propensity to sleep with men.
- If you passed some grizzled motherfucker talking to himself on the street, you could just assume he was crazy and didn't have to check for his bluetooth earpiece.
- People who looked like they were twelve actually were, and not Millennials with more fucking money than I'll ever dream of having.
- People on sidewalks actually treated sidewalks as though they were divided in two by an imaginary line, and stayed on the right fucking side.
- I was a carefree little devil, who was never riled by other people's stupidity.